The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women by Valerie Young

Book name: The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women

Author: Valerie Young

What’s it about: The Impostor Syndrome aka the constant feeling that no matter how successful you are or how many achievements you have, it’s all a fluke, a stroke of luck and underneath it all you are a fake who has fooled people. She talks about what impostor syndrome is and is not, what are the forms it takes, what are the words it uses, and how to find your way out of it while acknowledging that you may never completely lose that feeling but you can lessen it. She shares examples and anecdotes of women in different spheres of life (and acknowledges that impostor syndrome isn’t exclusively limited to women).  None of this is new, and there are other books and articles and research out there. To me, it still doesn’t lessen the experience of reading this book. For one, for me at least, countering the impostor syndrome is regular work and even if I am reading something that I may be familiar with, I see value in the reminder. 

Noteworthy excerpts: 

“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths —Lois Wyse, author and columnist” 

“Non-impostors who work hard do so because that’s what’s required to get the job done. When their diligence pays off, it enhances their confidence. But when your work pays off, you mostly feel relief.”

“To the fixed-mindset person, intelligence and skill are seen as a sum game. Either you can do math or you can’t. You’re artistic or you’re not... Not surprisingly, Dweck found that people who have a fixed mindset are more likely to rate high on the impostor scale.” 

Why it resonated with me: Well.. simply because I have and still occasionally do feel like an impostor and attribute all of any success to luck. The author talks about how there is no escaping the role of luck in our lives BUT it is also what we do with the luck that counts, which is a useful frame for me to use. I catch myself minimizing things I have done even though I know they were significant and mattered. Knowing isn’t the same as feeling but I know that the more I know, the easier it becomes to put a space between a thought and the feeling that follows it. I don’t expect self-doubt to completely go away, but I do see myself as having more confidence for the future based on the reality of the past.