A Should-Less Vacation
Photo by Markus Winkler from Pexels
Rest and burnout are themes that show up in most of our professional lives. Of all the theories out there, I believe there isn't any constant perfect state of balance; rather we juggle based on what needs most of our attention at any given moment. A few years ago I was on a flight, officially on time off, and as many of us often do, replying to emails because...why not. I still remember a response I received: oh I see your out of office says you are on vacation. I respect your time off and will continue this conversation when you are back. I was and am still, as the kids, a little shook because it made me realize that I did not respect my own time off.
I decided to try and bring in a judgment-free respectful approach to a vacation. That translated into what I jokingly named 'Shruti's Should-less Vacation'. I took away the deliverable of an 'improved Shruti' that I expect after each vacation. I (tried to) give myself permission to not emerge a better person, a more informed or better read person. As a performing extrovert, I find conversations recharging but recharge best when alone. I took a week off, and recognize the privilege I have in my professional life of having bosses and colleagues who were supportive. This piece is a reflection and depiction of what that week was like and what it made me realize.
Day 1
I felt an odd sort of relief, which was likely a sign of how tired I was. I leaned into not making myself do anything, which is at odds with a brain telling you that you should do this or that. But I do know that recharging doesn’t come from inactivity or the same passive behaviors (but remember knowing is not the same as actually doing it :)). While putting the phone away was hard, I did spend time thinking about what would bring me joy.
Day 2
As a non-morning person, day 2 meant I could follow my natural sleep cycle, which was both great and sucks a little. Being a morning person has a definite advantage in my opinion. Oh well. I found myself feeling noticeably calm and this made me think that perhaps I am more stressed that I consciously realize.
Day 3
I am noticing that I am getting better at respecting my own time off. Let’s be honest, I did not stop peeking at emails BUT I refrained from replying unless critical. It feels less and less weird each time you do it. The only should I am allowing is a gentle nudge to workout - not every day but occasionally.
Day 4
I journal and doodle - the doodling being one of the ‘non-productive’ things that bring me joy. The weather is Midwest nice (aka the sun is out, it isn’t too windy, and it isn’t sub-zero) so I take a walk. I visit a local women-owned bookstore and buy the Designing Your Life book.
Day 5
I find myself already thinking about being back to regular life. The parallel that comes to mind is the Sunday Scaries, where you lose part of your Sunday worrying about Monday. It isn’t dread about work but a little bit like waking up in the morning, and pushing against the allure of rest.
At the end of the week: Did I feel completely rested or recharged? No. But I also did not expect that, just as there is no perfect work-life balance, there is no perfect formula for rest. Would I do it again: absolutely. In future iterations, I plan to build some time away from my 'normal' surroundings and more quiet time. While I can’t see myself being ready for a completely silent retreat yet, I do think being a space that is built to be serene and calming will be a big component of rest and recharging.