Hello From The Other Side
Courtesy: Unsplash
They say the answer to the ultimate question of life is 42 (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) but outside of that, most of our thoughts and perspectives, while seemingly on a spectrum, exist as seeming opposites. This contradiction, the basic tension, to me is one of the important questions: how do you find a balance that works for you? For example: are your twenties for working non-stop because when will you ever have the energy to learn that way again or do as you please, the time never returns? Is a degree a necessary precursor to a career or can nothing replace real-life experience? Is responsiveness more important than thoughtfulness? Is good enough the enemy of excellence?
This isn’t a post about what the ‘right’ answers are, as far as I can tell, there are no universally applicable answers. But there are answers which are right at the individual level, and it is a test of being human to do the work of figuring it out (good systems would also work this way, but that is for another day).
Here are some of the lessons I have observed, if not always implemented, about finding life in the balance:
Growth Vs Contentment: There is a difference between growing and between just dwelling in the space of feeling bad about yourself. You don’t even have to look around much to find reasons to feel you are falling short. In some ways, being born and being alive isn’t the greatest starting point, if you look at the world around us. If you find that you (masochistically) just enjoy feeling bad about the things you don’t get to, don’t really want to get to, think about it. The world can often nudge us to feel inadequate, and a small, individual lever of control is how much influence we allow over how we feel.
Always On Vs. Not On Enough: We all have our ways - some use the commute to catch up with personal texts, others use post story time to send out emails, five people I know wake up at 5 am (I don’t get you but I am here for you) to get ahead of their day. We also all have our questions: Is this enough? Is this too much? Am I being disrespectful by multitasking? Am I slacking by not multitasking? What does it look like if I don’t reply to an email in less than a few hours.
There isn’t a satisfactory definition of enough and the reason there is not, because there is no controlled set of things that get thrown your way. You are probably more in the Always On arena, but need to get to Not On Enough a few days a month at least. If you can do more, without letting the self-talk sabotage when you are not always on, that is even better. You kind of need to decide who to disappoint, and when. Plus like I say, most of our work is not neurosurgery. It is important, it is meaningful, and it needs attention. But if I don’t get to it in the next 3 minutes, there isn’t a patient bleeding out on my table.
Formal Education vs School of Hard Knocks: I often see people compelled to choose one over the other. But the worse mistake I see folks making is believing that a degree or a certification alone makes them or someone else smarter or worthier. This is patently untrue. We have all met people with several letters behind their names and limited professional acumen or common sense, and we all know folks who are incredible at the work they do, despite not having a credential. I use my example: a day after my PMP exam, I was really no smarter than the day before or even a better project manager but I was more credentialed. And that meant something. To some people. But if that is the only basis of respect and worthiness, then that space sounds… pompous.
I’d love to know: what are the contradictions showing up in your life and how do you balance them?